February 10, 2010

Sometimes silence is even better...

So since people have been commenting on the post 'its hard to say I'm sorry' and since this is an interestingly debatable subject, I decided to highlight it a little bit more.

My sister had an argument with her husband. It was nothing serious, just the usual complaints you hear from married people. Now, after days of fighting, after arguing with her husband and unloading her mind- now do you know what she says: that she should have just kept quiet. Now i know its difficult, I mean really- I know. (Even worse so when you happen to have a big mouth like me...) But the thing is that when you talk and when you say what's on your mind- even if you know you're right; it seldom ever makes things any better. Now my sister's husband is angrier than before due to all the things that she said to him. So here's the question right: Even though you may know that you're right, and even though you feel like you need to get if off your chest; when it causes more problems in your marriage, with your family or with your friends; is it really worth it? Is the triumph of a good argument or the satisfaction in blowing off steam worth ruining a relationship???

So what can you do then? When you feel that you're being wronged in a certain way; when you feel like you desperately need to vent so that you can feel better; and when you feel like your mind is about to explode; if you can't tell the person in question (due to fear that it will make things worse) what do you do? well, I'm no expert but if you like, you can try some of the methods i use:

1. Always start with dua. Sometimes when things get a bit tough i just sit on my musalla and talk to my Creator. It really helps. Tell Allah your problems (sure, Allah already knows it but it will help you feel better.) Ask Allah for patience and for guidance. Beg, cry and be sincere... I promise that when you're done, you'll feel much better.

2. Talk to someone who you know will give you good advice. Its no use telling someone just so that they can echo your own sentiments. Speak to someone wise who will give you good, logical advice. Sometimes they'll help you come up with solutions that you never thought of before.

3. If you feel that you still need to tell the person in question how much something is bothering you, make sure you do it when you're cool and calm. It doesn't help when you scream and cry because your points and arguments gets muddled up. Choose a good time to speak about it, when both parties are calm and there's more of a likelihood that the person will listen and think about all you say.

4. Stay away from the accusing phrases like 'you did this or that' and rather use phrases like 'I feel that...' You'll be surprised at how much more effective they are.

5. Try your best to swallow your pride and swallow your words. Not only will it make your Creator happy, but it will make you a better person too. (and that's a satisfaction that never wears off...)

As usual, post your thoughts, opinions and criticism...


  1. Tell me something, what do u do when u dont do anything wrong n u are given d silent treatment?

  2. Obviously, I cannot give an accurate response- since i don't know the situation or the person in question (and, like i always say- since I'm no expert either). Since you asking though, i would have to say that maybe you did do something but you don't realise it. I know that sometimes the smallest things can set off some issue that someone may have. So while you cannot see what you did, a small incident may have brought deeper issues and feelings to the surface. Guessing can be tiring though, so i would say that you make a quick dua, say bismillah and ask the person straight out what the problem is. Be genuine and honest and explain that you are unaware. I don't know, maybe it will help??? Anyone got any other suggestions?


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