Arranged Marriages and Proposals

I always understood arranged marriages like this: That the girl in question is like a special princess who has would- be suitors coming to see if she would possibly consider marrying them. Sure that would- be suitor would see if he wanted to marry her too; but it would in no way seem demeaning to any party. Why is it not like that???


Instead you have the girl feeling self conscious and awkward. She feels that admitting that she wants to get married is an admission of embarrassment- that it automatically classes her as desperate. That men coming to see her is demeaning and embarrassing. Why?

Ok, so maybe its because she has aunts and family members warning her not to talk too much or seem to clever lest she frighten the guy away; or maybe its because she constantly has to hear of how she is getting older and needs to get married before her biological clock stops ticking; or maybe its because she naturally wants to look and do the best because she does indeed want to get married; but, and this is important, surely its not in her hands at all. Think about it for a moment.

Whether the guy thinks she’s just not right, or she thinks the same of him; whether she trips and falls flat on her face; whether she appears too smart, too dumb, too loud or too quiet; surely she will only end up with the guy if it was meant to be. Maybe if she could realize this simple truth; if she could understand that all she had to do was make an effort (a non-stress effort) and then put her firm trust in Allah- realizing that all only happens by His will; then surely that poor girl would be able to take a breather. You can’t change your decree. The pen has already dried. But since we have no knowledge, all we can do is try our best, Obey Allah, and then trust that that Merciful Creator will give us what is best.

Oh, and please don’t feel embarrassed to admit that yes, you do indeed wish to marry. Don’t even be afraid to admit that you’re nervous. I’m sure that guys are just as scared and nervous as the rest of us. And even if a guy is coming to propose for the 100th time, it still shouldn’t embarrass you or make you feel bad about yourself. Things will only happen when they’re meant to happen.

I still believe that we are the princesses with potential suitors seeking to marry us. Call it naivety or just optimism. You decide!!!