Blessing in disguise

Sometimes things happen in life, and we're so busy complaining about it that we forget to notice all that we were actually saved from.

Like the time a guy drove into my sister and I. We were so busy fuming and complaining about the driving skills of the guy (and yes, it really was his fault) that we failed to sit and ponder over what would have happened to us if his car had been driving just a little faster. In this instance we walked away unhurt and unscathed... wasn't that a blessing?

There are so many instances where seemingly bad things happen, yet when we ponder over its consequences a while later we can see so many blessings that it actually brought about. This tells me that when things happen in my life, I should patiently try to forbear it- since I cannot know what blessings might emerge.

It reminds me of a story I once read. Its pretty long, but well worth the read:

A farmer in Anatolia had a wife and adolescent son. His wife always complained that they were poor, their house needed a new roof, the barn was broken down, and they had no horse to help with the plowing. Early one morning the man and his son looked towards the field and besides a large oak tree stood the most beautiful thing they had ever seen.
It was a large white horse with perfect proportions. They tied and fed the horse. They were happy. His wife came out and said: "Look for markings, it is a rich man's horse." There were no markings.
"We can sell the horse", the wife said, "and with the money we can fix the roof, buy a wagon, rebuild the barn and have something left over for our old age."
"I will not sell the horse," said the man.
"If you don't, I will leave you," said the wife, and went into the house.

Now let me tell you a little about the man. The townspeople and his wife thought he was becoming senile. Whenever something occurred, good or bad, he would say: "Maybe its a blessing, maybe its a curse, only Allah knows." whatever befell him, that's what he would say. That's what he said when the townspeople gathered on his land to see the horse and told him what good fortune he had. And that's what he said to his wife when she told him he should sell or she would leave.

The next morning he began building a corral for the horse. His wife became angry. She went to her sister down the road. The man shrugged his shoulders and said: "Maybe its a blessing, maybe a curse, only Allah knows."
The story of the beautiful horse travelled from village to village, town to town, and finally to the capital city where the Sultan, a lover of horses, heard it. He called his lieutenant and told him to go to the farmer and offer him a bag of gold for the horse.
"What if he won't sell?" asked the lieutenant.
"Of course he will", said the Sultan. "He is poor, this is a fortune."
"But" the lieutenant insisted, "What if he won't sell?"
"Then kill him" said the Sultan, "and bring me the horse."

The Sultan's soldiers arrived at the farmer's house. The horse was as beautiful as they had been told, and the lieutenant offered the farmer the bag of gold for the horse.
"Thank you" said the farmer, "but I don't want to sell."
The lieutenant asked the farmer to walk with him. He liked the old man, who reminded him of his father.
"Please take the money," the lieutenant said
"No" said the farmer.
"My orders are to kill you and take the horse if you refuse to sell it."
"The horse is not for sale"
"Please, this will be your death."
"Maybe it's a blessing, maybe its a curse, only Allah knows."
The lieutenant said he had an errand to run in another village but would return in a few days. He begged the farmer to reconsider.

The townspeople gathered and started to argue with the farmer.
"You will be rich!"
"Maybe its a blessing, maybe a curse, only Allah knows" he replied calmly.
"If you don't sell the horse, the soldiers will kill you and you will lose the horse anyway."
"Maybe its a blessing, maybe its a curse, only Allah knows."

The next day the farmer's son decided to ride the horse. He felt wonderful riding it until the horse stepped into a hole, throwing the boy high into the air. The boy broke both his legs.

"You didn't listen to us" the townspeople said to his father. "If you had sold the horse, then this wouldn't have happened".The farmer replied: "Maybe its a blessing, maybe its a curse, only Allah knows.

The next morning the farmer looked outside and saw nothing, the horse was gone.
The townspeople said: "You could have sold him for money and you didn't. So your son went riding and hurt himself. Now you don't even have the horse."
The farmer said: "Maybe its a blessing, maybe its a curse, only Allah knows."
"The soldiers will return" said the townspeople. "They wont believe you when you say that the horse has gone. They'll torture and kill you."
"Maybe its a blessing, maybe its a curse, only Allah knows." the farmer replied.

The soldiers didn't return. War had broken out. All the young men were called into the army except the farmer's son who was still injured.

"You're lucky" said the townspeople. "We will never see our sons again. You will have someone to care for you in your old age, but we will be alone."

"I've told you before" said the farmer. "Don't you understand? Maybe its a blessing, maybe its a curse, only Allah knows!"

story taken from: When you hear hoofbeats think of a zebra by Shems Friedlander

So here's hoping we can all be wise enough to brave the storms of life, accept adversities with patience, and remain steadfast enough to be able to see the blessings later. Insha Allah Ameen.

Only Allah's will

Yesterday, after coming from a funeral, my sister got mugged. She was in the car with her husband when they stopped at a red robot. Suddenly a few guys approached the car, pointed a gun at them and demanded their phone and wallet. Shocking right? Well, here's another shocker... My brothers and I drove on that exact same road (maybe even stopped at that exact robot) only a few minutes later. (We all live in the same neighbourhood and were all driving home in separate cars after the funeral). So what's the difference then I wonder. How come they didn't stop us? Well the obvious conclusion is that it just wasn't the will of Allah, right?

It's like the difference between two patients. They lie side by side in the hospital. Both of them have the same sickness, both of them get the same treatment, yet only one of them gets cured. Why? Well obviously its just Allah's will.Nobody knows why Allah wills things a certain way. Allah (SWT) is the Most Wise and All Knowing. So we can't even begin to fathom the ways in which Allah (SWT) works.

The frustrating thing is that even though we realize this, we are so quick to give recognition to others when things occur. So when that doctor cures that first patient- everybody will rejoice and marvel at the doctor's brilliant skills and his awesome intelligence. At times like that we forget to realize that the patient was only cured by Allah's will. Sure the doctor treated him. But the treatment only worked because Allah willed it to work. Sometimes we tend to forget this, and we give all the recognition to the doctor and the hospital, and fail to recognize the True Healer whose will always comes to pass.

But back to my story now... My sister is all well and fine (maybe just a little shaken up) and Alhamdulillah (again, only by Allah's will) the guys just got away with a cell phone and a wallet (which, let's face it- is much less valuable than human life). Why Allah wills things this way, only Allah knows. Why some of us have to hit a few roadblocks every now and again, only Allah knows. Why Allah prevents the same things from happening to others, again only Allah knows. One thing I know for sure is that Allah (SWT) truly is sufficient as a Helper for us all and definitely the only One that we ever need to turn to.

The 'If factor'

Earlier on I was thinking about last night's Ghana game and a very silly thought went through my head. I thought, what if that guy just hadn't missed the goal for the penalty kick, then Ghana would have won!

Then I realised that it was all just so silly because what has happened has already happened. There's no turning back the clock on life... and there's certainly no room for the 'if factor'. This then got me thinking about the whole if factor and how it can destroy you (yes, I know... sometimes my mind works overtime!)

See, Islam teaches us that we shouldn't waste our time questioning what might have been. We shouldn't sit and contemplate what could have happened 'if' circumstances were different. No, rather we are to accept our situation, find the solution and then simply move on.

The 'if factor' just makes life that much more unbearable. So if your child dies in an accident you'll be sitting and thinking: "Well, imagine if she never got into the car in the first place". Then instead of accepting the death and trying to deal with it, you'll be stuck in this continuous warped cycle of 'what if'. It will just make things worse!

So instead of wasting precious time contemplating the various 'what ifs', let us all realize that we should rather turn our attention towards Allah, ask sincerely of only Him, understand that all things happen for a reason, bear our burdens with patience, and try our utmost to behave in a manner that Allah (SWT) will be pleased with. Insha Allah!

Run away!

I wonder... is it just a girl thing to stick our noses in problems that just simply do not belong to us? I mean, what is it with us? Take me for example, I'm going happily along my way, minding my own happy business when I (as in my stupid half) decide that I must go and intervene in someone else's problems! Why? Because I feel that I'm level- headed and can actually make a difference? Or is it becasue I'm nosy and I just like getting involved...? And then, while I was on my own merry way before, I now suddenly become involved in an entangling drama. The worst part is that I'll be the first one to complain when there's too much drama in my life! Eish!

So I'm learning my lesson for once and for all. The next time there's something going on that doesn't concern me, I'm not just walking away... I'm running... like really really fast! Why cause unnecessary drama to your own life? It just doesn't make any sense.

Most of us are probably guilty of this too. When we walk midway into a conversation between others, we always have to ask: "What are you talking about? What's going on?" Chances are that it probably doesn't concern us... so why get involved right?
Didn't the Prophet (S.A.W) say something to the effect that the beauty of a man's imaan is to leave what doesn't concern him? hmm... that gets you thinking right?

So from now on I'm going to try my hardest to be as 'uninvolved' as possible. I can already imagine what a peaceful life I'll have if, amidst all the drama drama drama, I simply walk away...!

Special you...

What is it about us girls that makes us think that our value should be weighed according to the opinion of others? You know what I'm talking about right?
When I was in high school I had a friend who constantly complained that she was ugly. The crazy thing was that she was really quite pretty. OK, so she was no supermodel, but she definitely wasn't ugly! You wanna know why she thought she was ugly, well it was just because the boys never liked her.
Now I know that in high school its natural to weigh your beauty according to how many guys like you, but now that I'm older (and hopefully wiser) I just don't see the sense in it. Let me tell you why:

1. Boys like girls for many different reasons. they're also known to like the ones that are 'easy'. That doesn't make those girls any prettier, does it?
2. Most High school boys couldn't tell a good quality girl from a stinky sock. Lets face it, most of them are really stupid!
3. High school girls are really stupid to assume that just because someone never noticed their beauty, it means that there is no beauty at all. We all have our own unique qualities that make us special and wonderful. How well can the guys really know us after 5 seconds of checking us out???

You see we shouldn't give others the power to influence our perception of ourselves. Ok, so sure sometimes we may need people's criticism to help us become better people. But we cant let peoples opinions of us shape our own opinions of ourselves. If we do then we will so easily be broken when others try to break us. And we will be constantly seeking the approval of others, to make us feel better about ourselves.

I'm writing this because I'm sitting here and thinking about a relative who's having problems with her teenage daughter. As I consider the impact of  a guy on the mind of a young woman, I feel truly sorry for all those young girls who lack self esteem, and who so desperately cling to the attention that they get from a guy- attention that makes them feel so good about themselves. So to all you young girls out there, I beg you to be strong. This attention is an addictive drug. Don't get addicted! Understand well that you have special qualities, and that you don't need anyone to make you realize that!

You can do anything

I spent the morning painting- the walls, not canvas. And well, what do you know- I actually managed to do it. Ok so that sounds really silly, let me explain!

When I was younger, and actually wanted to join in on the painting and fixing that my elder siblings were doing- I was simply told that painting was too hard. "Well, it doesn't look to difficult" I would protest, but they would simply reply that painting was indeed more complex and tougher than I could imagine.
Fine, that was that. I closed myself off to the idea that I could ever do it.

So when my younger brother begged me to help him paint, I instantly told him that I couldn't. "I don't know how to paint", I told him- "I'll mess up all the walls."
He argued that painting was easy and that I would be able to do it. He argued so hard and so much that I decided to give in and go and try it out.
That's when I was pleasantly surprised- it turned out to be not- so- difficult after all! In fact, despite my lack of painting skills, the room really looks nice!

You see sometimes in life people scare you without even realising it. In this case my siblings were all probably right- I probably was too young too paint! But, inadvertently even, my mind somehow started believing that I could never ever do it- even though I was now far older.

That's the thing about life, that's the thing about us all. There are so many things that we all think we just can't do. But if there's another human like us out there who can do it- then why can't we? We are all capable of doing anything that we want to. But we tell ourselves constantly that we can't. We can't run marathons, we can't do so well, we can't learn quraan, we can't write books. The list goes on and on.
So let me ask you now! Why can't we?
If we open up our minds to the possibility that we could achieve what we want, we might just to discover that the thing we always thought we could never do, actually turns out to be something attainable and enjoyable...

Sisters

You know that old saying: 'cant live with them, cant live without them', well I don't know what it originally applied to- but it really rings true when it comes to sisters. You really cant live with them or without them! Sheesh...what can we do right?

I mean amidst cat fights, screaming tantrums, tears and continuous arguments (all that you could really do without) you have to admit that at some point or another, we all need our sisters. And well, because we need them- we have to sometimes stop ourselves from tipping them over board! :)

The only ones who can truly appreciate the value of sisterhood; the comfort in knowing that you always have someone to talk to, to fight with and to get advice from, are those who don't have sisters. They are the ones who feel the slight stab of loneliness and wish that they had a sister by their side to share their lives with.

So yes, while I know that they sometimes make you want to pull your hair out or scream crazy blue murder- we really shouldn't take them for granted, and we really should appreciate them. Because despite their flaws and despite their irritations, they really are quite irreplaceable.

image from: http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/photo/1377510155052059120PUjhOC

Something easy we can do...

The world is going crazy. Everybody is talking about the cartoons, some passionately arguing against it- others throwing around convenient words like 'freedom of speech'. Some Muslims are arguing that its ok (seriously though- how can it ever be ok to insult our beloved Prophet (S.A.W)- and yes caricatures of him IS an insult and sense of humour has to stop somewhere!...) while some non muslims are strongly condemning the actions of people who are clearly only trying to stir up trouble, and make some money.

For me it is evident that the hatred of Muslims is only spreading like wildfire. I mean why even draw the Prophet (S.A.W) when you absolutely know that its going to offend so many people? Furthermore when in the world has anyone ever banned an article of clothing with religious connotations? Scratch that, when has anyone ever banned any item of clothing on such a mass scale ever? What is going on with the world?
If we cannot see what is beginning to happen we really have to start opening our eyes. Because sooner than later, being a Muslim (in public) is going to become very very difficult.

And just like the cartoon issue has managed to reach our shores, so too will everything else intensify and expand.

But I digress- since this was not my original topic of discussion. What I wanted to discuss is something so small and so easy that we can do. While they mock and criticise our beloved Messenger (S.A.W); that same messenger who was so worried about US (his Ummah); that messenger who is most beloved to our Creator; that messenger who was the light of this world; we can try, in which ever way we can, to get closer to him. Let the world move further and further apart from him, and by extension- Allah's mercy; but let us move closer.

Let's start reviving his sunnah, lets read some extra durood, lets study his life and character (even if we just read a little a day). Lets teach our children about this wonderful messenger (S.A.W) and try to instill his teachings into their, and our lives. Everything he did or said will only improve the quality of our lives. and all of his teachings will only allow us to reach a higher state of imaan.

So instead of feeling despondent or hopeless let us all realize that there are many easy things that we can all do. And the lets go ahead and start doing it now...

No worries, no fears!

My brother sat in the kitchen with my mother- haggled and tired, no doubt... but he said his words with such reassurance, and such firm faith- that it reminded me of the true beauty of being a Muslim.

He calmly told my mother that he would have to accept it if his little daughter died, since our beloved prophet (S.A.W)  lost children too. He said that at least, in that event, his little girl would wait for them in Jannah.

Alhamdulillah, that never did come to pass. But his words reminded me that we, as Muslims, truly have no worries. No matter what bothers us and no matter how bad our situation may be, we have such wonderful reassurances that allow us to understand that no situation is too bad. (Unless you lose your imaan- coz that's bad!)

You see Allah always watches us, rewards us for our patience, and forgives us for all our mess-ups. even if we're facing a mountain of problems, if we put our complete trust in Allah, ask Him to ease our way, and bear it with patience then we can convert those problems into everlasting reward (talk about turning straw into gold!!!)

We have such amazing role models from our wonderful past who have suffered so much more than we could ever imagine. These people faced ridicule and scorn, rumors and lies. They shed blood, sweat and tears for their imaan. And it was these same people who were the beloveds of Allah. So maybe the pathway to Allah is streamed with thorns along the way. And maybe if we can overcome those thorns with patience and obedience, then maybe we can reach our ultimate goal.

I know that when we are faced with problems its hard to stay focused. But its at those times that we need to take a break, remember our Allah, beg sincerely of Him and then bear it with patience. And then, of equal importance, when our problems go away we need to remember that it is that same Allah that we called upon, who has responded to our calls.

So the next time you find yourself in a bind consider this: Maybe your problem, if you deal with it in a manner that Allah will be pleased with, can be a means of obtaining Allah's reward. Think about the benefits that you might receive for it in the Hereafter. Think about how Allah will reward you if you patiently bear those problems all the while remembering your Creator. You too can turn lemons into lemonade- except that its lemonade for the Herafter!

image from: http://www.matadorrecords.com/matablog/2008/06/23/lemonade/                                                                       

Proud to be a Muslimah

Surely we must all realize that times are getting tougher. What with bans on niqab and hijab, with abuse and insults being hurled at Muslims on a day to day basis, and with the blind hatred that seems to only be increasing- Being a Muslim these days is becoming more and more challenging. Now, more than ever, we need to hold on to Islam with everything that we've got. We have to strive, we have to fight, and we have to keep on trying. Though everything is slowly changing, our beautiful deen remains constant, the sunnah way, remains constant- and our Allah remains, as He always will, ever Watchful- All seeing.

So what are we made of then? Imagine if South Africa becomes like all those other countries; what will we do? If they begin to assault us- physically and emotionally, simply because we are dressed as Muslims, will we feel embarrassed to dress like that again? Will we be afraid? Or will we walk with our heads held up high- knowing that our faith will prevail? Its not just a hypothetical scenario- rather its a reality that might come to pass. What are we made of? Consider that carefully. Are we proud muslimahs? What makes us proud? What makes us love our deen?

I am proud because I know that my deen is the only deen with Allah, and that the rewards from my Rabb, far surpasses anything imaginable in this transitory amusement of a life.

Why are you proud?

What do you love about your deen...?

Sound off below if you will!

Watch your words!

The other day I went with my mother to visit a sweet, little old lady. (no really- she really is sweet, little and old!!!). As we were leaving she enquired as to whether I was married or not and, on telling her that I wasn't, she spoke such beautiful words of encouragement. She said that its no problem; that I should take my time and choose the right person; and that Allah will give me exactly what I want! (See, I told you she was sweet!).

Now consider this in contrast to other people's comments. When they see someone unmarried they make remarks like: "When is it your turn. You must get married now!" I mean surely they have to realize that everybody wants to get married. Sometimes people just cant find the right person, things just don't work out, and Allah just didn't will it yet! Surely they've got to think that by them asking silly questions and making silly remarks, it will only make someone feel worse! I don't know, maybe that's the problem there- they just don't think!!!

I think that deep down (deep, deep, down for some people who make it a point of hiding it) everybody wants to get married, have children and settle down- men and women! But its because of people with all their silly remarks that those unmarried people are forced to make claims like: "No, I'm not ready for marriage", or "Marriage is just not for me!" Marriage is for everybody. Everybody wants it! How do I know this. Well, because these same people who make these claims end up getting married the minute they find someone great!

It makes you think. Words are so important and can have such an effect on the lives of others- an effect that we cant really foresee. Just these few sweet words from this old lady left such an impression on me. Imagine all the stupid things people say just so that they can make conversation. What kind of effect will those words have on others?
So if there's any messge that we should take from all of this, its that we should watch our words! What lasting effect they may have on others- we will never know!

A cure for stress

There are times when you feel like you just can't take it. Too much work, too much pressure, too much problems... Its time like these when you start doubting yourself, you feel emotional, you feel drained, you snap at everyone (and then feel bad about it later). You can't concentrate in your salaah, your problems overwhelm you and you just don't know what to do. Yip, we all go through it every now and again. what can we say, we're human right??? Well, I have just the solution... [hmm this is beginning to sound like an advert :) ]

Simply read this: Innaa lillahi wa innaa ilayhi raawji'oon (To Allah do we belong, and to Him do we return)

Sounds familiar- well it should. It just so happens to be that wonderful verse of the Qur'aan that everybody recites when they hear of someone passing away. But there's a misconception there- this verse is not just for when people die. No, it is rather for any time that any one of us are faced with any difficulty. Wonderful right? The solution is so easy. We don't need to stress and freak out, and we shouldn't let our problems get the better of us. Instead we should just recite this simple verse- and then turn to Allah (SWT)  for help!

I'm telling you, and I'm speaking from experience here- it really helps!!!

When I feel crazy stressed out, I try to do the following and it always helps. Sure, we all slip up and handle our stress wrongly every now and again right? (My poor sisters usually have to bear the brunt of this!)- but next time try the following:

• Talk to Allah. Cry by Allah. Tell your Creator all your problems and beg for help. (just the crying and the talking will already make you feel better.) When you can talk to Allah- why talk to anybody else?
• Read the above verse along with the verse which meaning is " Allah is sufficient for me." I'm telling you, when you read this and you have a firm belief that Allah will help you- Allah will help you! Insha-Allah Ameen.
• Try to read Qur'aan. When I read Qur'aan I try to, just for that moment, abandon my worries and focus on what I'm reading. When I do this its like a wave of calm washes over me and I instantly feel better. Try it and you'll see. (Better yet go and read (and understand) the complete verse that the Aayat above comes from. It's in Surah Baqara ( Surah 2) Aayat 156. You'll see how truly beautiful it is.
• Know with absolute certainty that you are capable of handling whatever you are going through (this knowledge can get you through anything). Know this for sure because Allah has stated, something to the effect, that Allah does not place on a man a burden that he cannot bear. So that means that if you're going through it, you can handle it.
• Trust that whatever difficulty you face it may be a blessing in disguise. Through your patience you may be able to attain reward. How beautiful is that?

So next time you feel overwhelmed and just plain down frazzled, try some of the above! Insha-Allah it will work for you as well as it works for me!

Image taken from: http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup/concepts-and-ideas/8608673-broken-rope.php?id=8608673

Change can be good!

For years my father used to love the same old tea. Lemon Tea. It was all he ever bought. Day in and day out he would drink that exact same flavour without changing or getting tired of it.

The other day he went to the shop and bought a few different flavours. (He had previously  tried some different flavours but I guess none of them ever stuck.) Now we stood and laughed at the different varieties that he had brought home- cherry, green tea, lime- there was no way he was gonna enjoy these flavours right? My sister and I even joked about how we would enjoy the cherry flavour but how we didn't think he would like it. "Oh well", my sister- the resident tea maker said. "We might as well give it a try right?"

To our great astonishment my father really enjoyed the cherry tea. He enjoyed it so much that when my sister gave him his good old lemon tea the next night- he didn't like it anymore. Yip, his beloved lemon tea now waned in comparison to the delicious cherry taste... who would've thought???

Ok, so I'm not just telling this story because I have some weird storyteller compulsion. Rather, once again, I took a lesson out of a silly little incident. From it I realized that while we are all usually apprehensive to change, it can sometimes bring about surprisingly wonderful results. Its natural to be afraid of the unknown, but if we never embrace the unknown, how will we ever truly know anything...?

I hope I can remember this lesson and use it next time to remind myself that while change may be weird and scary- it may just be better than what I could have ever imagined.

Judging others

The other day I bumped into an old family friend. She wasn’t dressed in what I would call modest clothing- and wasn’t wearing hijaab either. Obviously I never said anything but I clearly did notice how she looked and thus, a thought or two clearly must have gone through my mind.


A few days later we had this shindig by my house and she came along with her father. Now even though I really hate judging others, I must have judged her in some way or another because I was actually surprised when she spoke passionately about taking care of her father and of trying to attain Jannat. Here was this girl who didn’t always wear abayas and scarves, and yet she was striving to look after her father and spoke beautiful words about working towards trying to earn Jannat.
Sometimes we have this tendency to think that those who dress modestly and wear hijaab and niqaab are better Muslims. We tend to look at those who don’t dress this way as if they are somehow lower. Now I’m not saying that it’s all right to wear skin tight jeans and no hijaab! Ladies, you know you gotta cover up right! Instead I’m saying that we have to stop judging our Muslim sisters.

How many times do we pull our noses at one of our sisters and silently judge that we are better than them? How many times to we criticise what others have done- without even knowing what we would have done in a similar situation? What gives any of us the right to think that we are better that anyone else...? Allah is the only Judge, and only He knows the insides of us all.

If you look around you might see that the one with the best manners may not dress as modestly as you do. On the other hand you might see that the niqaab clad sister has terrible manners and treats people badly. Who can judge which one is better? Surely only Allah can. It’s about time we stop judging others- thinking that we’re better just because we do so and so and this and that. We should all remember that only Allah knows and should rather leave the judging up to Him. Don't you all agree???

Finding Faults

You may have heard this one... or maybe not.

There were 4 men reading salaah in a Masjid when the Muezzin walked in and called the azaan. The first man broke his salaah and said: "Is it time for azaan already?" Then the second man broke his salaah and criticised the first man fro breaking his salaah. To that the third man replied (after having broken his salaah too). "Why did you comment?" and finally the fourth man broke his salaah and said: "At least I wasn't a part of this argument."

Ok, so its a silly little story, but if you really think about it you'll see that its really meaningful. It teaches us that we should not criticise others, because by criticising them we are in fact harming ourselves and our own good actions. Had these men just left each other and focused on themselves, then they wouldn't have spoiled their own salaah.

You know that old saying? When you point one finger at someone, 3 fingers are pointing back at you!

The thing with all of us is that we are so busy finding fault with others that we don't even have the time to see the fault within ourselves. Because really, if we actually spent our time trying to correct and better our own deeds, we really wouldn't be noticing and picking apart others. You see it everyday, people criticising the clothes that others are wearing, while they themselves are not dressed properly; people commenting on the conduct of others, while they themselves have bad manners and people finding fault with others, when their own family members are far worse. Whats wrong with us. When are we going to stop finding fault in others? When are we going to pay more attention to our own flaws and less attention to the flaws of others?

Whats worse is that we don't even have the power to change others, we can only improve ourselves. so while we out there trying to fix everybody but ourselves, we fail to realize that the only people we could ever really fix is ourselves! Maybe we should seriously consider this next time before we begin to judge and criticise others...

Envy

You know it, I know it... we all know it! Sometimes its hard not to look at others with envy and jealousy. Especially when what you envy is something you've always wanted. So how do we deal with envy, and for starters- what is envy?

Envy can best be described as wanting what others have, even to the extent that you begin to secretly wish that they could lose it. Envy ruins good relationships and severs the ties of sisterhood. After all, how can you love someone when you secretly envy all their good fortune...? The problem with envy is that we tend to forget that all that good fortune has been bestowed to that person by Allah. So when we envy them what we are really saying is that we are unhappy with Allah's decree, and that's not good at all!!!

In reality envy make us sick- i mean literally, it actually makes us sick. A heart full of envy is like a diseased heart and you can easily notice the person who that heart belongs to. That person is usually unhappy- always complaining about their current situation; they are always looking for fault in others; and they never seem to have peace and contentment- well, that's what a diseased heart can do to you!

I know that's its difficult, sometimes you cant help feeling a twinge of envy for something that someone else has- but trying to restrain and prevent that envy from spreading- that will then be our test. So when you see that your frenemy's got something new and cool that you really like- DONT speak bad about her; DONT try to find fault with what she has and DONT try to make her feel bad about herself! Rather be quiet; swallow your feelings; talk to your Creator and try to be nice to her. Sounds like a good remedy, yes?

Here's a quick little checklist for you. Scholars of Islam have categorised different categories of enviers. so when you think that you might possess a little envy, do a little check to see where you're at. Then at each different moment keep checking to see how far you've progressed.

1. The first category is that wherein you feel envy and hatred for someone to such an extent that you actually try to remove that bounty from her. You cannot bear to see her with her good fortune and you probably sit and devise schemes to help you in you effort.

2. The second category is when you desperately try to get that bounty for yourself. You feel that you want what that person has, and not only do you hope that she can lose it, but also that you can rather have it.

3. Then there's the situation when you don't act on your envy but you are aware that you are envious, and you are neither ashamed nor displeased by those thoughts. basically, your jealousy doesn't bother you.

4. You feel envy for someone but you really don't like that feeling. In this case you know that your envious feelings are wrong and you dislike it in yourself. (This type of envy is not considered as sinful;)

5. You recognize your envy and you try your very best to remove it- whether by seeking Allah's help, chastising yourself constantly and even going as far as to be extra nice to that person (in attempt to combat those negative feelings). This is probably the best stage of envy since the envier is actually taking steps in order to remove it.

Abu Hurairah said that Rasulullah saw said : "Beware of envy, for envy devours good (deeds) like fire devours firewood". ( Abu Dawud )

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Reflection

A simple family moment left me with a very valuable lesson...

My nieces and I were playing dress up the other day when the younger one (4 year old Ayesha) got hold of my surma. Needless to say she liberally began applying it to her eyes- a task which she thoroughly enjoyed. Now i don't need to tell you what she looked like- what with being a 4 year old and all.

Since she didn't have a mirror nearby she didn't know how weird she looked, and even though everybody else kept gasping and laughing at her, she was oblivious to the sight of her face.

It was only when she looked at her own reflection (by accident as she passed by a window) that she finally realised how she looked. She was so surprised at her reflection that she excitedly exclaimed: "What happened?" It was in this moment, while we all laughed at her, that i was taught a very valuable lesson.

 It takes true self reflection to understand and realize what we really look like.

Just like how we could all see what Ayesha had done to her face, others can see our character. And just like how she was oblivious, we too are sometimes unaware of our own flaws. We have to actually look at ourselves clearly, examine our characters, examine the situations we find ourselves in, and examine people's attitudes towards us; in order to understand the type of people that we are.

I have a creed that i have lived by for many years now, and I'd like to share it with you. When someone tells me something hurtful i carefully consider what they've said and begin a process of self questioning. The hurtful statements may either be right- in which case i examine my actions and try to rectify it; or they may be wrong- in which i case i simply shrug it off and try very hard not to let it bother me. You see while people may sometimes be very valuable in helping you to understand the type of person you are; they can also easily break you. So next time, take my advice and try this for yourself.

I think that its important for all of us to constantly be engaged in a process of self reflection. We certainly won't leave the house without first checking how we look, so why spend another moment without considering how we look on the inside and what our characters and behaviour is saying about us...? Real self-reflection can tell us what we're made of, and that's a lesson I'd love to learn.

Abu Darda (radiyallaahu 'anhu) said that Allaah's Messenger (salallaahu 'alaihi wa'sallam) said:
There is nothing which is heavier upon the balance than the good character
Reported by Ahmad (6/446 and 448)

Beauty and a rose

I stared with bright-wide eyes at the beautiful rose underneath my window. Its velvety red petals perfectly surrounded its centre, opening, each new day, to reveal its awesome beauty. I couldn't very well leave it outside. I couldn't just ignore its beauty. No, instead i needed it by my side to marvel at it.

-The first day it stared at me proudly with its smooth, perfect petals.

-The second day it opened a little further much to my delight and admiration. Each time i passed it i would stop to smell it, and to proclaim the praises of my Creator who had created something this beautiful.
-The third day i was used to it. i noticed it less and less and didn't stop to admire, nor to smell it.
-By the fifth day my perfectly beautiful rose had begun wilting, increasingly losing its appeal.
-And by the sixth day, the once splendid and exquisite rose was reduced to nothing more than a stem with a few dying petals.

This is life, this is beauty...

Beauty will fade, that is a certainty; but knowledge, imaan, and good character- only improves with time.
Think about it then, which is a better investment?

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Gossip!

Have you ever noticed how we all thrive on gossip? From gossip blogs, to gossiping about celebrities to TV shows like 'gossip girl'. Oh, the guilty pleasure of relaying tales, and the sinister satisfaction of putting each other down. Like it or not, gossip is something that we are all guilty of! And while we all may check ourselves when it comes to sinning, we somehow always seem to forget that gossip is a very big sin!

Think about it for a moment. Think about how many lives gossip has ruined. Think about how many relationships gossip has strained. Gossip is like a sharp blade that cuts into the vey core of unity and sisterhood. And even though, deep down, we know that gossiping is wrong- we still continue doing it!

Im sure that each of us has been at the receiving end of gossip. Im sure that we have all felt the pain and humiliation of it. So why, when we know and remember how we felt, should we do it to others? Gossiping is described as eating the flesh of another. Why would we want to eat each others flesh? It is so bad that the Prophet (S.A.W) has warned us in detail about it.

The Prophet (S.A.W) said to his companions: "Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "Allah and His Messenger know best." He then said, "It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike." Someone asked him, "But what if what I say is true?" The Messenger of Allah said, "If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." [Muslim]

Imagine a world where we didn't gossip about each other. A world where secrets were safe and we all didnt strive to find fault in each other. This world is not just possible, it is within our reach. So lets reach out and try to attain it. Let us guard our tounges and watch our words. Let us honour our friendships and strive to see good in others. And when our fellow sisters are down- lets not kick them further; lets rather extend our arm and help lift them up. Im going to try, will you...?

"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah, verily, Allah is The One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful" [Noble Quran 49:12]

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Who are we really?

Ask yourself this question: Who am I?
Who are you really? I don't mean who your friends think you are. and i definitely don't mean who your parents think you are. Rather who are you, to you...? What is your essence? What are you made of?


I struggled with this when I was growing up.I was lost and confused, trying to figure myself out but at the same time unaware of it. Does this make any sense? To my friends i was the version of me that i thought they wanted. So even though i had an introverted nature; their version of me was that i was loud, friendly and sociable- so to them this is who I was. To my parents i was a quiet, obedient child who did her own thing and never got into trouble- so to them this is who i was. What i really was (what i came to discover only later in life) was that i was a mixture of all of this and so much more. But because everybody fitted me into a mould of what made sense to them, that's what i did to myself too. I didn't even realise how unfair i was being to myself and to others who cared, closing myself off and categorising myself into little boxes.


So now that i know who I am, and now that I understand that i am different aspects of so many things, its easy for me to look back and understand that i really never knew who i was.


So I'm asking you now. who are you? who are you really? take a moment and think about it. I know that you'll never really fully know it because we learn new things about ourselves constantly- but try to figure out who you are now, and don't be afraid to let others figure it out too. Real friends will always stick by you- no matter what differences you may have. Allah (SWT) created us all differently. What gives anyone the right to claim superiority? Human beings should be celebrated for all of their intricate differences. (who wants a whole world of the same kind people anyway?) Figure out who you are; figure out what you're made of and then, when you do, dont be afraid to shine!